Greetings from De End of De Eart

So I lied. It hasn't been two weeks, but I snuck onto mums iPad because when I am without you lot I shrivel and die like the Wicked Witch of the West. LOL JK, Elphaba is cool. That was dorky. I appologise. I also appologise for saying "dorky". I am unsure why living in a chasm of trees and loneliness has catapulted me into a world where I am Screech in Saved By The Bell, and let's face it, quirky and sexually frustrated as he was, he was never the cool one. Everyone wanted to be Slater. But now, as some wonderful form of karma, he is now presenting crappy dance tv shows, wearing high waisted blue jeans and probably taking a lot of drugs. I would, if the Powers That Be forced me to wear that amount of hair gel. Ah justice. 90s memorabilia aside, I am indeed in the realm of Dangerous Australian Animas & Co., which includes but is not limited to Crocodiles Sharks Snakes Golden Orb Spiders (as big as my hand, with golden pincers, if you were curious) Other miscellaneous spiders Electric ants Stinging trees Cassowaries If you live in a safe, mundane part of the world, I should explain what cassowaries are. They are giant blue-necked, ostrich-like things with sharp claws and a big boney horn coming out of their heads. They are very aggressive. I do not joke. However, I am not yet dead. Hurrah. And I went on a cool snorkeling thing in the barrier reef today, which was awesome. I felt like I was LITERALLY PART OF NEMO-LAND. Exciting moments included lots of very vibrant fish, a manta ray, minor spluttering and choking because I am not skilled enough to breathe and swim at the same time, and meeting a friendly German lady. What else has happened in the world of me? Well, after meeting about a bajillion students who had been traveling the world, feeding themselves on $20 a day and having one long and colorful party with other hipster students, it is now my desire to hire a camper van and spend my live with it and be happy. I also had several run ins with the elderly hippie folk of Mossman Valley, who wear tye dye tunics and ride Harley Davidsons. One woman's breasts were literally hanging by her hips. I was partially repulsed and partially impressed by her freedom of spirit, especially in regard to her aging body, which is a gift from he, she or it that reins above and is completely natural and nothing to be ashamed of, particularly regarding her womanly funbags. Part of me is under the impression that I am missing all sorts of fun and secret parties at home, and it is killing me slowly and painfully. I hate missing out on things. If you want to torture me for drugs, information or candy, lock me in a room and sound like you're having fun outside. I will crack. Like a three minute egg. I probably should not have told you that. You could be a psycho killer, or overzealous real estate agent. Enough. I will retire to my humble abode (the sofa of our apartment, since my brother snores like darth vader having a stroke) and ponder the eccentricities and adversities of the world, such as a lapiscopic cholecystectomy. I am a fraud. I just got that term off my dad. It means gall bladder surgery. You learnt something new today. You're welcome. Until later, mes petits souris, Fun fact: the french, when terminating letters, often affectionately say "grosses bises", which translates to FAT KISSES