Think of the title as a cross between
All By Myself by Celine Dion and
I Need A Dollar by Aloe Blacc (new favourite soul singer).
Ok, brace yourselves, I have a point which is actually (I think) not stupid, but I will take my time to get to it.
I remember in primary school assemblies in jolly England where, huddled next to radiators, coughing and wheezing and rubbing our hands together and befriending the one-eyed typhoid-infected orphans, a bunch of "big kids" would get up and sing a song in harmonies. Ten-year-old me remembers that the senior girls had quite nice voices, but the song was annoying. The song was
Turn Turn Turn. I'm sure you've heard it - for everything (turn turn turn), there is a season (turn turn turn). Lots of turning. If your childhood was robbed of this hidden jewel, listen to it
here.
Maybe it was the awful pigs-liver sausages they fed us, or the blisters our hands would get from the freezing cold, or the corporal punishment... point is that the song has been scarred into my memory for life. Anyway, the song made a random reappearance in my head today, in the city.
My plan was to meet Rob and work on some new original songs and to try to shake the sunday-afternoon-last-day-of-holidays blues, but as soon as I arrived he called and said that he might not be able to make it because he was lost in the maze of public transport. Frenzied, I immediately started calling every friend I know and asked if they would like to come to hang out in the city. Maybe they were all having a party and laughing as I called each one and was refused (maybe I'm paranoid), but after 3 people said "sorry darling, can't - I'm playing croquet and sipping a mint julep" my search was ended because Rob said that he could make it after all. In an hour. So I chilled, by my lonesome. Then we jammed. Then he had to leave and I chilled once more, by my lonesome, at a suitcase rummage, without money.
And it occurred to me: why was I so terrified of being alone? Was it embarrassment at being seen by myself? I don't think so. Then what? And (here comes the reference) I came to the epiphany that for everything (turn turn turn) there is a season (turn turn turn), so maybe there is also a season to be alone. A time to be by yourself, wandering, not thinking about anything important, not entertaining or putting on your interesting-person disguise... just being. And so I just was. And I talked to random people, and sat and listened to the live music and clapped loudly at the end of each song, even though I was the only one watching. And I wandered through the markets and the city, not being able to buy anything, so just looking, seeing interesting things and letting stupid things go through my head.